Wow! I was informed by a good friend, we'll call him...um...Dan...just for anonymity sake, that I hadn't written in my blog since the 12th. How time passes as your having fun. Speaking about fun, I am having the time of my life. The training in Ft. Lauderdale is going well and I am getting to know the area and what you can do here. There are lots of beautiful beaches, sites to see, and thtings yet to explore.
Today is the national holiday of Martin Luther King Jr. There is an excitement in the air that I normally don't see throughout the year. I think about where I was last year and what would have happened if I had completely given upon life all together. God did a great job in sending me David, to Him I am grateful, and I owe David a lot for keeping my head above water, (especially on our snorkeling excursion), and not letting me drown in the depths of other people's actions. There was a lot for me to learn in 2012 that I can apply to the many adventures I had in life. Imagine what would have happened if I would have given up. I can honestly say "I am a Phoenix" and not a graduate from Phoenix college, but a Phoenix. (Google Phoenix Bird and you know what I am talking about lol)
Imagine if we all were to give up at once. Where would this world be. If Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would have given up or feared the many death threats, one which finally took his life, where would be in treating each other with respect and dignity. The many strengths and rights so many groups have been given, especially the LGBTQ community. We still have a long way to go. There are so many people still marginalized that need to come into our community of social beings.
Last year I was bullied out of my job and I left it in April looking for something better in life. I didn't want to leave teaching, so the idea of teaching without being in education came to me, only because David could see in me talent and strengths I wasn't seeing at the time. If David wasn't in my life, would I have gone back to Arizona and been nothing but someone lost by other people's actions? If I would have given up on life and succumbed to the traps of HIV or Alcoholism, would it have made a difference that I was gone? Yes! I am glad that I ddin't give up because I am starting to see how my actions add to the bigger picture of everything I do and everyone I meet. Every person, good or bad, whether we get along or not makes a positive difference in the world. Mother Teresa often stated that a person missing would be like the ocean missing a drop of water, but it would be significant because that drop adds to the bigger picture. We may not see what we are doing now, but in the long run we make a difference.
There's more to come in my blogs. I have taken up painting while here in Ft. Lauderdale and I think it's coming along. Stay tuned.
Hugs and smiles on the house!
Ray
Monday, January 21, 2013
Quote for the day
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate; only love can do that." -Martin Luther King Jr.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Continuation of "God Keep Me Sober Today" "Handling Emotions" and "New Adventure
Wow! Two days has passed by and I have not written in this blog. Well I missed it. Writing can be very healing as far as getting to put down on paper the thoughts that bother you and at the same time it's revealing in seeing your character as others do. Sometimes, the truth does hurt, especially when it's coming from yourself.
The other day I posted 3 topics that were weighing heavily on my mind. These topics are going to let you know a little of who I am and what I go through on a day to day basis. The first topic is "God Keep Me Sober Today" plays an important part of waking up and asking a Higher Power of my choice to help me stay sober and with this comes actions, emotions, time spent in the day, rest, and relationships (work, family, friends, and acquaintances). Have I covered everything that could possibly happen in a single day? lol! This simple phrase covers them all. And if I don't like the way my day is going I can always stop and start my day over by saying this short, yet powerful phrase in the middle of my day and start over.
The idea to keep me sober is not only a novel idea on my part, but on everyone's part. When I drink (or drug) everyone is affected. I can't think straight enough to be responsible for anything and everything I mentioned in the previous paragraph is chaotic. Staying away from alcohol is the smartest thing I have ever done since I am starting to see the potential, skills, and gifts I have to make a difference in the world. It's a great feeling not to sit alone in a room and wonder when the end is going to come. Now that my eyes are opening up, I am looking forward to keeping things going rather than ending them.
An example of how this little phrase can help me is when I left Macon, Ga to travel to Ft. Lauderdale last Wednesday. (This is the Handling Emotions part) For those of you just joining in, I was hired to be on a training team for a regional airline here in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. As I was leaving Macon, and after several goodbyes from the phone (afar) and in person, I ventured out to the airport. Here is where I have to be careful. My emotions were all over the place as if I was multi-tasking in several different areas. I was happy, then I would cry a little, then I would was a little upset that David and Rosco couldn't come with me, I was unsure of how I was going to get my meds and when that would occur, and I was also excited to venture out and see what the world has to offer me. Since this is a lot for me to handle, I give it away to someone that can handle it. In a 12 step program, you are asked to trust in a spiritual being that can help you get through times like these. Since I had reserved feelings of turning to a God where the members of His church reject me because I am who I am and I have always been gay since birth. If the doctor said "5, 6, 7 8.." then I knew immediately what to do.
So all of these emotions were welling up inside me. Since I was traveling and didn't have time to make a meeting, I had to bring the meeting to me. I used the tools I am learning to live normally (whatever that is) to help calm me down. the big test would be checking into my flight. I walked up to the Delta attendant so I could check my bag and he told me my bag was 61 lbs. which was 11 lbs too heavy. He said he would have to charge me $25.00. If I took out some clothes, and got the bag down to 50 lbs or under, then he would check both bags for free. He told me I get two free checked bags. This was no problem for me because hidden away in my larger bag was a smaller bag just in case this scenario happened. I stepped aside and quickly placed my shoes, and a whole lot of t-shirts and shorts into the smaller bag. I went back to the ticket counter and the guy that told me to take some clothes out was gone. I was greeted by another agent. As he weighed my larger bag it was only 48 lbs. I can't believe shoes, t-shirts, and shorts can weigh so much. No wonder we are always tired, or at least myself.
The 2nd bag was only 13 lbs, but then he said "I need $25.00 for the extra bag." Now I have a choice here. I could steam up, get really mad, and demand that my bag go on for free or I could listen to what he was trying to tell me. First of all, he was very courteous and loving in telling me this. He wasn't a mess, I was. I was the one emotional and needing to explode, so I held back. I had to remember all of the emotions that I was going through prior to meeting this man. He was an innocent bystander waiting for me to pounce on him. I took a deep breath and explained to him what the other gentleman told me. He said "He may have told you wrong because you get 2 carry ons for free and anytime you check a bag, you have to pay $25.00. I don't know why the computer is saying just $25.00, but that's what I have to collect." I took another breath because this response still didn't warrant an attack, but in taking the breath, it helped me to think. D. has always told me to ask for a manager or supervisor if this ever happens. He said "You don't have to be ugly about it because the guy or gal in front of you doesn't have the authority to do anything." So I had to think how I was going to ask him. If I gave him sugar and spice then I might get something done, but if I gave him ugly then the situation and my whole day could get ugly. So I said "I understand and thank you for letting me know. Is there a manager I could speak to or someone I can write or call in to speak to?" He immediately said "Sure. Instead of calling let me let you talk to someone in person." He couldn't find anyone that was available to come to me and I was starting to feel agitated and worried I was going to miss my flight.
While we waited for a supervisor, I made the decision to pay for the bag, and call Delta later. I wasn't ugly and I appreciated the person in front of me. I was still upset this happened, but I was proud of myself I was able to walk through the fear of being tough and show the person in front of me I was not pleased. We can do this without being angry, but without the phrase "God keep me sober today" I think it's totally impossible to do. Some people may be able to do this, but throughout my life I never wanted to cause trouble. That sort of thinking left me unhappy. When I got to the flight, I had the best flight attendant that I could have. She was polite, professional, and regulated meaning she didn't substitute nice for safety. I think if I would have blown up at the ticket counter, I might not have seen the pleasantness and professionalism of this person.
Today's post is one of many instances I have to work on each day. I am not perfect and I have made great progress in some areas and in other areas (some days), I take 2 steps backward. That's life though. We can't be perfect all of the time, but we can surely make an attempt to live a better life. When I write this, I think of D. who has seen all of my moods good and bad, moodswings, anger, frustrations etc. He has helped me to look at myself differently and to practice a more relaxed feeling about life. I have a long way to go, but today, I am willing to take a look and see where I have been and where I want to go.
A round of hugs and smiles for everyone
Ray
The other day I posted 3 topics that were weighing heavily on my mind. These topics are going to let you know a little of who I am and what I go through on a day to day basis. The first topic is "God Keep Me Sober Today" plays an important part of waking up and asking a Higher Power of my choice to help me stay sober and with this comes actions, emotions, time spent in the day, rest, and relationships (work, family, friends, and acquaintances). Have I covered everything that could possibly happen in a single day? lol! This simple phrase covers them all. And if I don't like the way my day is going I can always stop and start my day over by saying this short, yet powerful phrase in the middle of my day and start over.
The idea to keep me sober is not only a novel idea on my part, but on everyone's part. When I drink (or drug) everyone is affected. I can't think straight enough to be responsible for anything and everything I mentioned in the previous paragraph is chaotic. Staying away from alcohol is the smartest thing I have ever done since I am starting to see the potential, skills, and gifts I have to make a difference in the world. It's a great feeling not to sit alone in a room and wonder when the end is going to come. Now that my eyes are opening up, I am looking forward to keeping things going rather than ending them.
An example of how this little phrase can help me is when I left Macon, Ga to travel to Ft. Lauderdale last Wednesday. (This is the Handling Emotions part) For those of you just joining in, I was hired to be on a training team for a regional airline here in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. As I was leaving Macon, and after several goodbyes from the phone (afar) and in person, I ventured out to the airport. Here is where I have to be careful. My emotions were all over the place as if I was multi-tasking in several different areas. I was happy, then I would cry a little, then I would was a little upset that David and Rosco couldn't come with me, I was unsure of how I was going to get my meds and when that would occur, and I was also excited to venture out and see what the world has to offer me. Since this is a lot for me to handle, I give it away to someone that can handle it. In a 12 step program, you are asked to trust in a spiritual being that can help you get through times like these. Since I had reserved feelings of turning to a God where the members of His church reject me because I am who I am and I have always been gay since birth. If the doctor said "5, 6, 7 8.." then I knew immediately what to do.
So all of these emotions were welling up inside me. Since I was traveling and didn't have time to make a meeting, I had to bring the meeting to me. I used the tools I am learning to live normally (whatever that is) to help calm me down. the big test would be checking into my flight. I walked up to the Delta attendant so I could check my bag and he told me my bag was 61 lbs. which was 11 lbs too heavy. He said he would have to charge me $25.00. If I took out some clothes, and got the bag down to 50 lbs or under, then he would check both bags for free. He told me I get two free checked bags. This was no problem for me because hidden away in my larger bag was a smaller bag just in case this scenario happened. I stepped aside and quickly placed my shoes, and a whole lot of t-shirts and shorts into the smaller bag. I went back to the ticket counter and the guy that told me to take some clothes out was gone. I was greeted by another agent. As he weighed my larger bag it was only 48 lbs. I can't believe shoes, t-shirts, and shorts can weigh so much. No wonder we are always tired, or at least myself.
The 2nd bag was only 13 lbs, but then he said "I need $25.00 for the extra bag." Now I have a choice here. I could steam up, get really mad, and demand that my bag go on for free or I could listen to what he was trying to tell me. First of all, he was very courteous and loving in telling me this. He wasn't a mess, I was. I was the one emotional and needing to explode, so I held back. I had to remember all of the emotions that I was going through prior to meeting this man. He was an innocent bystander waiting for me to pounce on him. I took a deep breath and explained to him what the other gentleman told me. He said "He may have told you wrong because you get 2 carry ons for free and anytime you check a bag, you have to pay $25.00. I don't know why the computer is saying just $25.00, but that's what I have to collect." I took another breath because this response still didn't warrant an attack, but in taking the breath, it helped me to think. D. has always told me to ask for a manager or supervisor if this ever happens. He said "You don't have to be ugly about it because the guy or gal in front of you doesn't have the authority to do anything." So I had to think how I was going to ask him. If I gave him sugar and spice then I might get something done, but if I gave him ugly then the situation and my whole day could get ugly. So I said "I understand and thank you for letting me know. Is there a manager I could speak to or someone I can write or call in to speak to?" He immediately said "Sure. Instead of calling let me let you talk to someone in person." He couldn't find anyone that was available to come to me and I was starting to feel agitated and worried I was going to miss my flight.
While we waited for a supervisor, I made the decision to pay for the bag, and call Delta later. I wasn't ugly and I appreciated the person in front of me. I was still upset this happened, but I was proud of myself I was able to walk through the fear of being tough and show the person in front of me I was not pleased. We can do this without being angry, but without the phrase "God keep me sober today" I think it's totally impossible to do. Some people may be able to do this, but throughout my life I never wanted to cause trouble. That sort of thinking left me unhappy. When I got to the flight, I had the best flight attendant that I could have. She was polite, professional, and regulated meaning she didn't substitute nice for safety. I think if I would have blown up at the ticket counter, I might not have seen the pleasantness and professionalism of this person.
Today's post is one of many instances I have to work on each day. I am not perfect and I have made great progress in some areas and in other areas (some days), I take 2 steps backward. That's life though. We can't be perfect all of the time, but we can surely make an attempt to live a better life. When I write this, I think of D. who has seen all of my moods good and bad, moodswings, anger, frustrations etc. He has helped me to look at myself differently and to practice a more relaxed feeling about life. I have a long way to go, but today, I am willing to take a look and see where I have been and where I want to go.
A round of hugs and smiles for everyone
Ray
Quote for Saturday Jan. 12, 2013
"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as everything is a miracle." -Albert Einstein
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Lots to talk about coming this evening: "God Keep Me Sober" "Handling Emotions" "New Adventures."
I made it to Ft. Lauderdale! The warm, tropical feeling you get when you are the southern tip of Florida brings back memories of the cruise we took in October. It is a different change from Macon since the weather in Georgia was a bit colder than I liked it. We need the rain, everyone does, but I was starting to tired of the rain beginning on Christmas Eve and continuing through 2013.
Since I was enjoying the luxury of sleeping in this morning, I better head out, get some breakfast, and return to this blog when I can spend more time writing about the topics listed in the title of this blog. More will be revealed!
Have a great day!
Hugs and smiles on the house!
Ray
Quote of the Day
People wait in line to see me, saying there's plenty
of living to be done even if you have an HIV diagnosis.
People say they are 10- or 15-year survivors and still moving forward.
- Greg Louganis
of living to be done even if you have an HIV diagnosis.
People say they are 10- or 15-year survivors and still moving forward.
- Greg Louganis
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Quote of the Day
I will try to bring you one quote per day. Here is one I use in my signature for my emails.
"It's not about how to achieve your dreams, it's about how to lead your life, ... If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself, the dreams will come to you."
— Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)
A round of hugs and smiles for all
Ray
"It's not about how to achieve your dreams, it's about how to lead your life, ... If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself, the dreams will come to you."
— Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)
A round of hugs and smiles for all
Ray
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